I know that from the first two posts I made, it may sound rather grim. But for right now, it's really not. I have learned that maybe the initial shock of AD is over for me. I admit for this first 2 yrs I have accepted Gerry's diagnosis as a death sentence, not only for him, but for me. Maybe subconsciously I have been worried about what I will go thru, what I will deal with, what I am losing, a little too much. I have been focused on Gerry for this time, but it has also made me mad!! He can't help it and I know it, but I react. I have argued with him, and you should never argue with a person with AD. I have gotten mad at him, but I don't think anyone could help but fume once in a while - in my defense - at the insane things he has done. I'll tell you where I have my problem ~ I don't want to make it sound like Gerry is bad in any way, but he has a way about him that just pisses me off sometimes. He is very opinionated, he is quick tempered and can be very negative about just about anything. He has always been that way that I know of. But he has so very many good points, in fact too many for me to go into. Just suffice it to say he is a great guy and I'm glad he is in my life. The only way that I can explain my dilemma is to focus on his negative side, then maybe you'll understand.
AD can cause people to be very negative, to have quick tempers, to speak out inappropriately at times in general be very difficult at times. So how do I know when it's AD or when he's being himself? I know. That's what I'm talking about.
If we had not been on the road living and breathing the exact same air, I'm sure that I would not have noticed the warning signs. But thank God I did notice, because getting him on the Aricept as soon as we did is the best thing that could have happened to him to slow the progression of this horrible thief. I've made the remark to some people when they ask how he is doing that "if I didn't know better, I'd think there was nothing wrong with him." That's how much of a difference it makes. We have tried to take all of the stress away from his life. That seems to be the trigger - plain and simple Stress. So even with the meds, stress can be brutal. They say that there is no difference in early onset AD and AD when diagnosed at age 75 or 80. The only thing different about being diagnosed at age 63 along with the medication doing a good job of masking the symptoms, is that in reality the duration of the disease will probably be noticed for much longer.
Soooo, I just thought I'd share with everyone, that for right now I'm letting go and I'm not going to worry daily like I have been. I'm trying to get back to being some kind of normal. I say that because I'm not real sure what normal is. I want to enjoy life again, which I have not been doing since August 2009. I want to be alive and experience the happiness that can only come with not focusing on the intrusion of Alzheimer's Disease for now. There will be plenty time for that a few years down the road. I'll know it when I know it. Maybe we won't be caught off guard next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment